


maybe i don’t quite know what to say (but i’m here in your doorway)

by dckerstar



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26743738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dckerstar/pseuds/dckerstar
Summary: gabby has a confession to make. so naturally, as one does, she drives to her best friend’s house in the middle of the night to do just that.
Relationships: Gabriela Dawson & Leslie Shay
Kudos: 14





	maybe i don’t quite know what to say (but i’m here in your doorway)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! wrote this from a one shot idea from one of my twitter moots (hi cass) bc we are all mentally ill and in DESPERATE need of good shawson fics! i should hopefully have more coming, can’t promise they’ll be soon but enjoy this one for now :)
> 
> also this is unbetaed so any and all mistakes are mine!
> 
> for the shawson mental illness gc yes ❤️

Is that a spot of dust in the corner of the ceiling? Gabby makes a mental note to scrub that off in the morning. Tearing her eyes away from the ceiling, she glances at her bedside table. The alarm clock reads 11:56pm. She groans and rolls over to the other side of the bed. She’s been trying to get to sleep for over an hour now. Not even the sleeping pills she took seem to be working. 

_Yeah, idiot. And you know exactly why._ It’s true. She does. It’s not like she hasn’t known it for years, deep, _deep_ down, because she has. But after years of telling herself she should just ignore it and doing just that, it finally demanded to be acknowledged. Right in the middle of a call this morning. 

Feelings for your best friend can be annoyingly persistent, especially at the most inconvenient of times. 

Shay had noticed something was off earlier today. She confronted Gabby about it after she was too quiet on the drive back to the station, asking if she was alright. 

“Something happened,” Shay had stated out of the blue, coming up behind her friend. “Are you okay?”

Gabby only nodded and gave Shay a smile. “Mhm.”

“You know you can talk to me right? About anything.”

But this is the one exception. 

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. Thanks, Shay. I appreciate it, I do,” Gabby answered quickly. She wanted to get away as fast as she could before she said anything she regretted. “But I’m fine.”

She was distant the rest of the day and whenever she went to find her friend’s gaze, Shay never looked back. Gabby knew she had most likely hurt her but Shay was never one to show her feelings in public. She suffered in silence. Or got drunk. Or slept around. Or all three at once. 

Gabby wasn’t quite sure when she first realized her feelings for Shay. If it didn’t sound so cheesy, she would say it was the moment they first met but she knows that’s not true. It’s just something couples say to make their relationship sound better than it probably is. What she does know is that it was definitely gradual. It didn’t take long for the two of them to get close. They became each other's go to person for anything and everything and before she knew it, she was getting a call from Shay, sobbing about how Clarice had broken her heart. Gabby will always remember rushing over to Shay’s apartment to find her almost blackout drunk, sprawled across the hardwood floor as she sobbed. 

This was the first time Gabby had ever seen her best friend like this. Although she doesn’t know exactly, if she had to pinpoint one moment where she fell at least a little for Shay, this was one. As Gabby held her in her arms, attempting to console her, she told herself she would never let her best friend go through this amount of heartbreak ever again.

Maybe it was Shay’s smile that pulled Gabby in without her even realizing it. Or the way she lights up a room when she walks in. Or the sound of her laugh. Her happiness has always been contagious. Or maybe it was her wild recklessness that sometimes got her into mountains of trouble. Her bitter, intimidating exterior but her selfless interior. Her desire to only ever see the best in even the worst kind of people. Her willingness to forgive anybody, even people who have constantly taken advantage of her goodness, and give them a second chance. Her devotion to her friends and family and her job, always ready to help whenever someone needs it. The light and pure goodness inside of her that anyone she meets notices. Her old, wise soul that always knew the right things to say and do (except when it came to her own love life, of course). The young girl and blush that appears whenever she gushes about the things she loves. 

She is quite possibly the best person Gabby has ever met.

No scratch that. Leslie Shay is a miracle in human form. The best person to ever step foot into Firehouse 51. There is no one like Leslie Shay. 

Heaven would be lucky to have her as an angel.

Gabby groans again, smothering her face into her pillow. Thinking about this isn’t going to help her sleep. She tosses and turns for ten more minutes before giving up and throwing her duvet off her legs. 

After changing back into the clothes she wore earlier that day, she pads downstairs and unsuccessfully searches through her fridge for something to eat, finding nothing appetizing to her at almost 12:30 in the morning. What she really needs is a clear head. So she closes the fridge and pulls on a light jacket before grabbing her keys from the bowl by the door. 

Gabby isn’t usually one for late night drives. But tonight seemed like a good time for one. Fall is setting in, so she rolls down her window, letting the wind blow through her slight bed head. There’s not many people on the road, actually making it quite a peaceful drive. So peaceful in fact, that Gabby doesn’t even realize where she's going until she’s parking her car on the side of the road. 

She should be terrified as she steps out of the car. She knows why she’s here. It’s been long enough. And if it ruins them…

Shay’s apartment that she shares with Kelly is dimly lit. Gabby curses under her breath. It’s nearly one in the morning at this point, why didn’t she think about the fact that Shay might be sleeping? They even have a shift at eight later. 

Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, Gabby debates whether or not she should just turn around and go home. Is it really worth it to risk the best friendship she has just because of some pesky feelings?

Now she’s just stalling. She drove all the way here, didn’t she? Plus, like she said, Shay’s probably asleep already. What does she have to lose?

 _Well, my best friend first of all_.

Gabby pushes the thought from her mind as she climbs the few steps to her friend’s front door. She falters for a moment before knocking gently on the door. After ten seconds of no answer she’s about to turn back to her car when she hears the doorknob rattling. 

Her stomach drops. All her anxiety suddenly comes rushing back. She shouldn’t have come here. This was _such_ a bad idea.

Shay stands in the doorway, looking confused until she meets Gabby’s eyes. Her face lights up with a smile and she bobs up and down on her toes, making her signature messy bun bounce on her head.

“Hey. ” She leans against the doorway with an almost empty beer bottle in her hand. “What are you doing here? It’s pretty late, I thought you’d be knocked out already,” she says, a smile playing on her lips.

Gabby opens her mouth but nothing comes out. “I-I couldn’t sleep,” is all she manages. 

Shay furrows her brows, making a face. “Is everything okay?”

Shifting from foot to foot, Gabby looks down. But not before glancing at Shay’s lips.

Shay doesn’t miss that. Nor has she missed any of the times Gabby has stolen a look at her when she thought no one was watching. Or the times when her friend has gone to comfort her in a more intimate way than a friend should but stopped herself. She knew something was up today when Gabby didn’t tell her what was wrong. They tell each other everything. 

All these years, Shay has told herself that nothing will come of the butterflies she gets in her stomach whenever Gabby smiles. Nothing will come of the surge of jealousy she gets when she sees her best friend with a man. She tries not to tell herself _that should be me_ because it’s selfish. Gabby is happy and she should let her be.

But there’s been a shift in the way her friend has been acting lately. Shay didn’t think much of it until today. She was coincidentally debating driving over to Gabby’s earlier tonight but decided to drink herself to sleep instead. 

That was about an hour ago and she hasn’t gotten past her first beer. 

Gabby finally looks back up at her. Her hands tremble and she tries to shake them out. She swallows in an attempt to rid herself of the knot in her throat. Her face goes hot. _This was such a bad idea._

“Gabby,” Shay sighs. 

Before she can talk herself out of it, Gabby takes Shay’s face in her hands and kisses her. It’s quick, light, their lips don’t touch for more than two seconds.

All the air is sucked from Gabby’s lungs and her heart is beating a million miles a minute. Her throat closes up as she pulls away. Shay’s eyes have gone wide. Her mouth hangs open in shock. 

“I’msorry.” Gabby’s words run together as she steps back. _God, that was so stupid. I’ve definitely just ruined everything._ She nearly trips as she turns off Shay’s front porch until a hand clasps onto her arm. She whirls back around to find Shay holding onto her.

Before she can comprehend why in the world her friend has stopped her from leaving, Shay pulls her in and kisses her back. It’s more passionate this time, hotter. Shay’s hands slide gently over the back of Gabby’s neck and up to her head, pushing her closer. Gabby’s never kissed a girl before but…if this is what it’s like every time, she never wants it to stop. 

Unfortunately, it does. She lets out a small whimper as their lips part. Shay has the tiniest of smiles playing on her lips. 

Gabby looks down before tucking a loose hair behind her ear. She has to resist the urge to touch her lips that grow swollen by the second. “I should go,” she says quickly, turning away once more. _Lie._ A total lie. _Ask me to stay._ There’s nothing more she wants to do than stay the night, falling asleep in her best friend’s arms. But it’s probably not a good—

“Stay.”

A featherlight touch on Gabby’s arm is all it takes. She turns back to see Shay opening the door wider to let her in. With a tiny smile, she steps inside. 

As always, it’s warm and comforting in the apartment. It helps ease Gabby’s nerves almost immediately. She’s always felt at home here.

“You want anything to drink?” Shay asks, milling around in the kitchen. 

Feeling a little lightheaded, Gabby nods slowly. She knows she should go for some water but… “Do you have any red?”

Shay grins. “Yeah. Kelly tries to hide it from me so I don’t drink it all myself but I think he’ll be more forgiving if I at least share it with someone.” She pulls out two wine glasses and a bottle of red wine from the back of a cabinet. Gabby watches quietly as she fills the glasses. 

“Where is Kelly anyway?” 

“Oh, he’s out for the night. Said he was gonna go meet the guys at Molly’s a few hours ago. Hopefully he’s not too wasted by the time he gets home.” Shay laughs softly, pushing a half full glass of red wine towards Gabby. “So…”

Gabby bites her lip, cradling the wine glass close to her as she takes a sip. “So…what?”

“What took you so long?”

Nearly choking, Gabby slams the wine glass on the counter. Shay rests a hand over hers. “What—” Gabby manages.

“I’m not blind,” Shay says.

After a few seconds of coughing and catching her breath, Gabby sighs. “I just...I didn't want to mess this up.”

Shay smiles a little. “Gabby. You’re my best friend. Nothing you say or do could ever change that. I promise.”

“Even if…even if I tell you that all I really wanna do right now is just…kiss you?” Gabby blurts out. Her voice is small. “And hold you?”

“Even then.” Smiling, Shay moves around the counter, stopping closer to Gabby than usual. “Especially because I’ve felt the same way for so long. And I was so scared to tell you,” she whispers.

Something flutters in Gabby’s stomach. She fights the urge to throw her arms around Shay and simply hold onto her and never let go. 

Until Shay takes her hand. 

“C’mon,” she says quietly. “Let’s go upstairs.” 

Gabby’s eyes widen. She knew Shay liked to move fast in relationships and was often a little reckless but…she wasn’t sure she was ready just yet. 

Shay must’ve realized this because she laughs. “No, no. That’s not what I mean. Let’s just go to bed. It’s late and you’re tired. You look exhausted. And frankly, I’m a little buzzed so…we could both use some sleep.”

“Yeah. Yeah, definitely,” Gabby replies. Shay squeezes her hand and guides her upstairs to her room. 

It’s cozy and a little messy, pillow scattered on the floor and her blanket hangs half off the bed. Gabby hasn’t spent too much time in Shay’s room but… it feels like a place she knows well. 

It feels like home.

“So…” Shay turns around from where she had been rummaging through her dresser drawers. “You want some pajamas?” Gabby nods and catches an oversized shirt that Shay throws to her. 

“I’ll turn around,” Shay jokes. 

“It’s not like we haven’t seen each other naked before, you know,” Gabby reminds her, tugging off her jeans. 

_That’s true._ Still, Shay does her best not to watch but can’t keep her eyes from wandering. She doesn’t see anything other than Gabby’s bare toned legs standing awkwardly in front of her. 

She walks over to her friend—well, they’re kind of past the friend stage now—and kisses her gently. “C’mon,” she says against Gabby’s lips. “It’s just a bed. It won’t hurt you.”

Gabby snorts and lets Shay intertwine their fingers and tug her onto the bed. She lets herself melt into the soft sheets and blankets as arms wrap gently around her and pull her close. Resting her head into the crook of Shay’s neck, she takes a deep breath. 

“You okay?” Shay whispers, so quiet that Gabby almost doesn’t hear here.

Gabby doesn’t hesitate with her answer. “I’ve never been better.” She presses a gentle kiss to the underside of Shay’s chin, making her giggle and squirm just slightly.

That night, she falls asleep warm inside.

一一一一一

Shay almost trips down the stairs the next morning as she stretches. She yawns and runs a hand through her hair before making her way to the coffee pot. Out of the corner of her eye, she spots her and Gabby’s wine glasses from the night before sitting in the sink.

Kelly is already in the kitchen, dressed with his duffel bag ready for their shift. “Morning,” he says. Shay doesn’t miss his smirk.

“Morning,” she mumbles, lips to her mug. After stifling another yawn, she takes a sip.

“Late night?” Kelly asks, motioning to the glasses in the sink.

 _Ah. There it is_. Shay just glances at him. “Maybe.”

Her friend lets out a sound between a hum and a laugh. “Who’s the lucky lady?”

“Well一”

“Les?” Gabby suddenly calls from upstairs. She appears suddenly at the top of the stairs wearing only the long shirt Shay gave her the night before. “Have you seen my jeans? Hey, Kelly一Fuck! Kelly!” She scrambles back into Shay’s room, leaving only her head poking out from behind the doorway.

This time Kelly lets out a full laugh, Shay joining him with a quiet one. “They should be in the laundry basket. I tossed them in there before you woke up. Come down, I’ll make you something to eat before we leave.”

Gabby nods quickly before disappearing back into the room. Shay begins on a breakfast, using the last of their eggs for the two of them while Kelly slides into a seat at the dining room table. She watches as he scrolls through his phone with a tiny smirk.

“Oh, quit being so smug,” she says, pointing a spatula at him.

“I’m not!” he defends. “I’m just thinking about how I get to say ‘I told you so’.” 

Shay groans loudly. “Aw no!”

“It’s not my fault you talked about her for years and never made a move!”

“You talked about me?” Gabby asks innocently, appearing at the bottom of the stairs. She slides onto a stool at the kitchen counter as Shay smiles.

“Maybe,” she replies before looking back at Kelly. “I wasn’t about to ruin my best relationship especially since I didn’t think that she felt the same way.”

Kelly feigns hurt. “Best relationship? I’m hurt!”

Gabby turns around on her stool. “You’re probably a close second, Severide.”

“She’s right,” Shay confirms with a grin.

“So, I’m the first loser?” He fakes a pout and Shay tosses the empty egg carton at him. It hits him in the shoulder.

It’s Gabby’s turn to smirk. “Yeah well, I kinda think that if we’ve been best friends for the past four years and now we’re girlfriends, I might just be a little higher on the scale.” 

She and Kelly continue to argue playfully but Shay isn’t listening. She’s too busy watching her _girlfriend_ giggle as she watches the two of them start a debate on what Shay’s favorite Thanksgiving dinner dish is. 

She’s wanted to hear those words come out of Gabby’s mouth more times than she can count. To be honest, it’s making her a little light headed. She’s got a dopey grin on her when Gabby hops off her stool and walks to Shay’s side. 

“Hey,” she murmurs. 

“Hi,” Shay replies dreamily. 

Gabby smiles, pressing up on her toes to kiss Shay. As Shay takes Gabby’s face in her hands, she realizes how much she would _love_ to take this upstairs. But they have a shift in less than an hour.

“Mm,” Shay hums, pulling away as she smells the eggs starting to burn. “Breakfast is ready.”

“Smells great.” Gabby gladly accepts her plate but stays glued to Shay’s side as she eats. 

“Well,” Kelly says, standing. 

“Don’t you say it,” Shay threatens with a mouth full of eggs. She jabs her fork at him through the air. 

He holds his hands up in surrender. “I wasn’t going okay to! I was just gonna ask if you guys need a ride to the station.”

“Nah, my car’s outside, I can take us,” Gabby tells him. 

“Ah, I knew I recognized that car,” he replies. “Well, I’m gonna head over there early. But I’m happy for you two. It took you long enough.”

“Thanks, Kelly. Really.” Shay smiles at Gabby, who stares back at her with her cheeks full of eggs. “Chipmunk,” she whispers, touching Gabby’s lips with her finger. 

After swallowing, Gabby opens her mouth to reply before being cut off by Kelly, who they both thought had disappeared out to his car already. 

“I told you so!”


End file.
